For WHAT do you PRAISE your children ?

In continuation with our previous post, HOW OFTEN DO YOU PRAISE YOUR CHILDREN, let's look more deeper on this topic, such as,  for what all different reasons you PRAISE your KIDS. You may be wondering , its obvious that we do PRAISE our kids, when they come first in class, when they hit that sixer, or when they bring home a medal or a cup, or when they achieve something unique in extracurricular activities or when they perform best on stage or when your whole family praises them or when their Teacher praises them..

But, don’t you think there are more reasons to PRAISE them? Don't you think kids need constant assurance and applause? Don't you remember how excited and motivated they were when you praised your little infant , on his/her first steps or first words? Don't you think that they need your approval when no one recognises their effort or hardworking nature? Don't you think children perform better only when PARENTS supports them emotionally ? Don’t you think your ONE  word of APPRECIATION is worth MILLIONS to your KIDS? 

When was the last time you’ve  PRAISED your kid for NO REASON? Have you ever CLAPPED for your growing kids KIND DEEDS? Have you ever APPRECIATED how well your child manages her TASKS? Have you ever said BEAUTIFUL to your little daughter often ? Have you ever COMPLIMENTED about you son's hairstlye ? Have you ever CONGRATULATED you child for just PARTICIPATING ? Have you CELEBRATED his/her overcoming through TOUGH TIMES? Have you MAGNIFIED their softskills like, how KIND they are, how OBEDIENT they are, how TRUTHFUL they are, how HARDWORKING they are or how ACTIVE they are or how HELPFUL they are ? Have you THANKED them for simple tasks they’ve done for you? Have you ever GLORIFIED  their daily growth and minor achievements ? 

The importance of this whole write up on the importance of PRAISE and for what you PRAISE your kids melts down to building up their EMOTIONAL STRENGTH, when they grow into ADULTS. What happens when you constantly PRAISE your kids only for their big and higher achievements, a kind LOW-SELF-ESTEEM develops in them, which is surprising, as you think as a  PARENT you are constantly pushing your children to work harder and harder. Though they may achieve success on this pattern of upbringing , they may be undergoing alot of APPROVAL DIFFICULTIES in their mind. They will be constantly hustling with a deep sense of DISSATISFACTION and awaiting for applause from everyone around them. As they are not taught that being kind, being happy, being regular, being truthful, being lovable, being helpful are all  worth of appreciation!! 

They are only taught that material achievements are worth of PRAISE , thus ultimately they keep struggling and looking out for appreciation from all around. This may even lead to making them fall for wrong people, who may not be right for them, but just with the fact of the kind of superficial PRAISES they receive from a person  in the beginning make them feel that, HE/SHE is the ONE for them and lives a life constantly trying to IMPRESS them, all because they were devoid of APPRECIATION from their PARENTS during their CHILDHOOD. I guess we all, as PARENTS do not want our kids to compromise in their life, right? SO, from now onwards, let's keep praising them for simple simple things and let's keep appreciating them and make them CONFIDENT AND SELF-SUFFICIENT INDIVIDUALS.

How often do you PRAISE your children?

Parenting is the most toughest job in the world.  How much ever we be careful, we tend to go wrong somewhere or the other. Mild mistakes are ok, but extreme level of parenting will leave a huge dent in the lives of your children. May be you are not doing it out of intention, it may be due to your own parenting , or due to societal pressures or due to fears from what you've personally encountered in life or even due to your unfulfilled desires. Whatever may be the reason, its important for you to unlearn or resolve certain extreme behaviours of yours in order to be a good parent. No one is perfect, but try to be conscious and observe any extreme patterns in your parenting behaviour. 

On that elaborative intro for my today's topic, let's address ONE common issue of parenting that may help to nuture our kids in a better way EMOTIONALLY AND MENTALLY. We all love receiving compliments, so do our kids. It's important for us , as parents to frequently PRAISE our children. I agree, we do constantly applaude to our little growing infant and toddler. But then slowly the number of praises tends to reduce , with more of commends and teachings taking over. I understand we gotta teach our little prince or princesses what to do and what not to do, but lets add alot of EMPATHY, CHEERFULNESS, loads of APPLAUDES, bundles of PRAISES all along while we tend to bring them up into responsible citizens. 

Just imagine how happy you feel when someone PRAISES you. As adults if we feel so overjoyed with compliments from people we dont even know properly , imagine the amount of happiness and joy our kids will have everytime you PRAISE them. Just imagine the amount of CONFIDENCE they'll grow up with when they are assured that their PARENTS are always happy for them. Just imagine how EXCITED will they be to try out new things and show them to you everytime. Kids world is really small in the beginning , before they grow up and enter into the vast world. and in thier small world PARENTS are the KING &  QUEEN and the rest are jus OBSERVERS. So, they tend to LEARN, SEEK, ASK, QUESTION, RECEIVE, GAIN, LOSE, BE HAPPY, BE SAD, FEEL JOYFUL, STAY CLAM, FEEL ANXIOUS, FEEL INSECURE, STAY CONFIDENT , SUFFER WITH LOW SELF-ESTEEM, all because of PARENTS or the ENVIRONMENT in which they GROW UP. Few kids may be smart enough to overcome any situations tactfully and convert them into a fuel for their growth.  But a majority of CHILDREN are just living with such feelings all through their life and passing on such emotions into their RELATIONSHIPS, and onto their KIDS. 

Being a PARENT I understand it is important not to over PAMPER kids, but atleast lets pamper them daily for something or the other, while taking care of teaching them the  good and bad, and the values of life simultaneously . Let's give them the assurance that mamma and pappa loves you and will have your back even if you fail for watsoever reason , but if it is becoming a pattern of negligence then you gotta watch out. Let's give them confidence to express what is happening in their life, be it at school, or home. Let's give them a hope that we have their back even if they are rejected from a LOVER who may not be worth for them. Let's keep our doors of LOVE open when they need our LOVE the most. Lets BE THEIR CONSTANT CHEERLEADER, even if they FALL OR FAIL AT TIMES, but make sure you pump them up to WIN AGAIN, 

How well are you teaching LOVE & ROMANCE to your kids ??

 The title seems weird ? If it does, then it's an important topic to be discussed..

Have you ever thought of it? We teach children everything, starting from how to eat , walk, poop, sleep, talk, play, study, manners, habits and many more things in life..But, have you taught them how to LOVE and the importance of ROMANCE in life? You might be saying that they just learn by themselves or they might learn about love , from the way we parents LOVE them. You may also be saying that they learn LOVE, from the love they receive from grandparents , relatives, siblings and teachers.  I agree, they learn various kinds of LOVE in various ways throughout their life. 

What we are talking about here is the LOVE between COUPLES, the ROMANCE between PARENTS, the intimate relationship between MARRIED COUPLES, the lovable and respectable LOVE between elderly couples. The thing here is, we are all taught only how to LOVE our children, how to RESPECT our ELDERS, how to mingle with RELATIVES,  how to live and ADJUST in a totally different family, comprising our self-respect at times, how to SACRIFICE our dreams and desires and dedicate our life to someone or the other, how to EARN money, how to SERVE for family, how to constantly COMPARE yourself to others, how to NEVER be satisfied with what you have and so on..

Thus we all are GREAT PARENTS , but WORST PARTNERS !! Might sound RUDE , but its a FACT !!

You might be wondering, that, how do you teach LOVE & ROMANCE to your children? Have we ever thought of it, in the first place. Just because we never focused on the importance of these two FEELINGS in our life we are clueless on how to teach our kids about them right ? 

And the more pathetic thing here is, as we  PARENTS never teach KIDS about LOVE, they are learning about LOVE & ROMANCE from other sources around them. Like in movies, serials, novels, series, dramas and so on,, as once they hit puberty and the hormonal rush starts in, they start having these feelings of LOVE & ROMANCE and really need to understand what it is through examples around them.

As we PARENTS , are always worried about WORK or TAKING CARE of our CHILDREN , and watching movies in between, they take us a examples and think thats how they too have to LIVE , when they grow big..

Why not we TEACH our kids what is LOVE & ROMANCE exactly? We may not have been taught by our PARENTS, and thats why our RELATIONSHIPS are so messed up and many are struggling to find LOVE and ROMANCE within MARRIAGE too and unable to find them over a period of time, which is leading to INFEDILITY among couples which slowly is leading to DIVORCE !! Is this what we want to showcase to our CHILDREN ? No, right .. So lets teach them better lovable lessons .. 

It's simple,. As a couple, LOVE each other like you used to before kids, keep the ROMANCE alive as your relationship grows, show RESPECT towards each other, FALL for each other again and again, DATE each other often, exchange GIFTS, CARE about each other, WORRY about each other , MISS each other when one is away, let away the EGO and bring in the LOVE, PAMPER each other, HOLD HANDS in PUBLIC, HUG each other daily (in front of kids , its not an offense man, they watch all non-sense on screen) , KISS each other, FORGIVE each other, PRAISE each other and create your own FAMILY TRADITION OF LOVE AND ROMANCE :-) 

Lets ditch the serious , scary , decent , calm, awkward authorative , slavy, commandable , forceful adjusty, kinda relationship status amongst PARENTS , so that the same will not get transfered to KIDS.. Just like GENETIC DISEASES which runs in families, RELATIONSHIP ISSUES may be a family routine running for generations. But the world is changing, the social media is depicting relationships in a different manner, expectations are increasing and individuality and self-respect has taken a major seat thus its important for us as PARENTS to seriously address this issue.

WHO'S LIFE ARE YOU LIVING ??

 We often live the life of our parents or for our children . We even live the life of our grandparents , our relatives, our teachers ,our friends and so on..

On a larger aspect , we live the life of our society , of our culture, of the belief systems of a community and  according to the latest trends.

On a micro aspect we live the life of our admirers, we live the life of celebrities,  we live the life of our leaders, we live the life of our apartment group rules, and we tend to live the life of the infinite groups we are a part of..

On a deeper aspect we are wired to appear for the exam called "A SUCCESSFUL AND A HAPPY LIFE " which was printed ages ago and being taught to us since childhood. The results of the exams vary, depending on how well you've followed when you were a child and how soon you've implemented practicing all that is in the LIFE BOOK since ADULTHOOD.  

And you know what,  the examiners or the judges of the exam are the same who have followed and written the same exam , irrespective of how well they have performed in their LIFE EXAM, they start ANALYSING AND JUDGING your RESULTS of SUCCESS AND HAPPINESS. How pathetic is that ....

What is SUCCESS?? what is Happiness ?? 

Is it  xeroxing  your PARENTS desires ?

Is it scanning your TEACHERS lessons?

Is it repeating your learnt lessons to your CHILDREN ?

Is it raising the flag of your SURNAME high in the sky?

Is it satisfying your RELATIVES constantly ?

OR 

Is it living perfectly according to the SOCIETAL norms?

Is it following our CULTURE (good or bad) blindly ?

Is it going with HERD in our community ?

Is it staying upto date with the latest TRENDS ?

OR 

Is it imitating the people we constantly ADMIRE?

Is it trying out the lifestyle of our CELEBRITIES ?

Is it replicating our LEADERS ?

Is it following the rules of the infinite WATSAPP groups? 

If you observe all the above questions clearly , YOU are missing there..What is your desire? What are your lessons? what did you learn from your children? Are you, YOU , without your surname ?? How often are you doing things that satisfy YOU solely? Is the so called SOCIETY perfect , to question your perfectionism? How does culture contribute to your success and happiness, unless you work hard your whole life ? What if the herd you are following is not HAPPY & SUCCESSFUL ? What is YOUR trend ?

Do the people you admire and imitate , even know you or even helped you to reach your success or happiness ? What is the lifestyle YOU adopt ? Are YOU a leader yourself ? What are YOUR rules? 

            

Following and learning and adapting and growing , using the above support systems may be necessary for sure, for being a part of the society we live in, but DON'T let them bombard you or cover you, or over lap you or drown you or suppress you or hurt you or humiliate you or bully you or disempower you or pull down your confidence and grab your IDENTITY and mask your ORIGINALITY ..

Remember all those rules and lessons were set by ONE  THOUGHTFUL person at one point of time and others started following them blindly. Why not YOU be that ONE person and create a NEW SET of RULES & LESSONS atleast for yourself, if not for the SOCIETY ..Create your own definition of SUCCESS & HAPPINESS , as there is no specific definition of both .. For someone success is a loving relationship , for someone success is happiness , for a child success is getting that toy, for someone happiness is success, for someone service is happiness, for someone ruling is success and the list goes on..

So, BREATHE and choose and live life according to your OWN TERMS..

It is OK , ALL IS WELL :-)

 We Humans are highly INTELLECTUAL beings, and are always stressful or worried or anxious or just overthinking of something or the other. Though it is very crucial for our well-being to always think about our FUTURE, it is also IMPORTANT, to know that, IT'S OK to think of NOTHING, every now and then.

Here is  a check list of things in life, which we either keep complaining or boasting about. The success recipe of anything in LIFE, be it FOOD or RELATIONSHIPS or MONEY or CAREER is being BALANCED and experiencing all the flavours and all the aspects of life throughout the JOURNEY of LIFE.

It's OK to commit MISTAKES.

It's OK to have FUN.

It's OK to WORK HARD.

It's OK to LAUGH OUT LOUD(LOL).

It's Ok to CRY.

It's OK to be HAPPY.

It's OK to be SAD.

It's OK to LOVE.

It's OK to BREAK UP.

It's OK to MARRY.

It's OK to stay SINGLE.

It's Ok to have KIDS.

It's OK to NOT have KIDS.

It's OK to COOK.

It's OK to ORDER FOOD ONLINE.

It's OK to be an EXTROVERT.

It's OK to be an INTROVERT.

It's OK to be GOOD at STUDIES.

It's OK to be BAD at STUDIES.

It's OK to be HEALTHY.

It's OK to be SICK.

It's OK to be RICH.

It's OK to be POOR.

It's OK to be SUCCESSFUL.

It's OK to be a FAILURE.

It's OK to be a CELEBRITY.

It's OK to be a COMMON MAN.

The thing which is NOT OK, is, Don’t BEAT yourself up nor don’t be ARROGANT as, NOTHING is permanent. At the end of the DAY, all it matters is, whether you are JOYFUL, KIND, TRUTHFUL, EMPATHETIC AND GRATEFUL to everything and everyone in YOUR LIFE.

How often do YOU, PARENT YOURSELF ??

We Humans are constantly evolving, and we need constant motivation to be a better person each and everyday. As a child we receive  a lot of support and constant teachings from Parents, Teachers, Coaches and Seniors. But, what about when we grow up and become an ADULT ?? From where are we going to receive all the motivation from?? 

There may be multiple options  of getting the required motivation we require constantly, throughout life. Be it through BOOKS, PODCASTS, MENTORS, MOVIES or GURUS, we constantly, try to learn something that we are not well aware or well versed with. Few smart people even tend to hire life coach or a permanent mentor from whom they constantly gain support and motivation. But, have you ever thought that YOU actually can PARENT yourself regularly throughout YOUR life. 

When we were kids, we were parented by our Parents or Grand-parents. Once we grow up, We master the ART of Parenting our kids.  As Humans , we are highly INTELLECTUAL and we can easily survive well, but just imagine how SYSTEMATIC and how DISCIPLINED your life was when you were a CHILD. It was because you had the GUIDANCE and support from your PARENTS. 

If YOU want a better, a happier, a comfortable and a successful life YOU gotta learn the ART of SELF-PARENTING !! Yes, try to be a PARENT to YOURSELF. No one understands YOU, better than YOU. No one knows YOUR STRUGGLES. No one can help in achieving YOUR AIMS & DESIRES in life. No one really can understand whats happening in YOUR MIND. Thus, start wearing THE cap of a PARENT to YOURSELF. 

Console YOURSELF when in pain and AGONY. Pamper yourself when you’re TIRED. Be easy on yourself when something goes CRAZY, just like your Parents would do, when you were a kid. Correct yourself when you are going on the WRONG PATH. Control yourself from ADDICTIONS, just like you would do to YOUR KIDS. Cheer for yourself when you WIN something BIG or SMALL . Reward or Treat yourself with lots of Love and Affection, just the way your parents and grandparents would do for YOU. 

Wipe your own Tears and Stand Bold again, and say to YOURSELF that it is not the end of the WORLD. Push yourself HARDER even if you don't like , just the way your tough DAD used to be. Control yourself from binge-spending or binge-eating or binge-watching Habits, for, you would never encourage YOUR CHILDREN to do those things. Eat Nutritious and Healthy food 🥘 just like  your MOM was constantly worried ONLY about your EATING HABITS. Pray to GOD or believe in a supreme power, just the way you were taught in childhood. 

Believe in YOURSELF and Love YOURSELF like your PARENTS did. Keep boasting about YOURSELF, just like your parents always did and are still doing, Keep saying to yourself , that YOU are the BEST and the cutest BEING in the WORLD, just the way your MOM FEELS.

Hope you all will start SELF-PARENTING yourself from today onwards. It's just the lack of EMPATHY and KINDNESS and GUIDANCE and  a SECURE feeling that we all are missing when we become ADULTS, and start playing in the real WORLD land create a MESS out of it.  By the time, we start realising, how could we have done better, most of our lifetime is gone. So, be GENEROUS and SUPPORTIVE  to YOURSELF,  even after you become a PARENT or even a GRANDPARENT.

You Deserve to have FUN !!

Did you know that we all are eligible to have some FUN..As being the highest intellectual beings on this UNIVERSE, we gotta keep experimenting in ways that make us HAPPY. Doing simple tasks , pursuing tiny things which makes NO sense yet gives  abundance of JOY, are important to be done day in and day out.When was the last time you had super fun ??

We often feel, we should keep working hard constantly to achieve our goals. But surprisingly, it has been proven in many researches that doing things that keep us happy , atleast  once a while (if possible daily , for few minutes) actually helps in becoming more successful, than those who don't have fun at all. We need not spend Billions nor look for TIME, to do those things. It can be started small, for few minutes daily , tasks that doesn’t  involve any investment just like 'watching SUNRISE or SUNSET", hearing the BIRDS NOISES, smelling a FLOWER and rejoicing its FRAGRANCE, hugging your loved one and feeling GRATEFUL that you have a LOVED ONE.

The world and our LIVES are more complex these days, that LEISURE TIME also has become complex, with lots and lots OPTIONS of ENTERTAINMENT available freely or for minimal cost. But have you guys ever wondered or introspected that does that entertainment leave us CONTENT at the end of the day?? Or does it make you CRAVE for more and more entertainment or at times , it even leaves us feeling EMPTY..So, when such experience is felt from the so-called entertainment options available these days, don't you think, YOU should create your own OPTIONS, which are totally UNIQUE to YOURSOUL. Look out for ways that keep you content, makes your HEART filled with JOY.

The WORLD is filled with ABUNDANCE of JOY and HAPPINESS, but it takes you to step out of your ROUTINE, and go back to CHILDHOOD memories and think of the things that really made you HAPPY. Was it that silly game in your neighbourhood along with your FRIENDS? Was it that COOKING game with your PARENTS ? Was it that lovely SAREE  of your MOM, you draped with passion and looked into the mirror with purity and innocence of JOY? Was it that BOOK reading habit , that gave company every day and night while all were playing outside or busy in their own world? Was it that Cycling or the Cricket game you've played all through the SUMMER, ignoring the Burning HEAT just because you loved to JUST PLAY, with your non-judgmental friends ? Was it the cute little TALKS that you had with your GRANDPARENTS ?? Or Do you just miss CRYING & EXPRESSING about something that went BAD in your life to your PARENTS ? 

Find out that THING OR TASK that helps you to RE-INVENT YOURSELF . Don't get lost in the COMPLEXITY of the WORLD, if you want to WIN YOURSELF :-) 

GOOD LUCK :-) 

THE LEGENDARY KING - MGR (MARTHUR GOPALA RAMACHANDRAN (1917-1987))

I happened to visit MGR memorial during my Chennai , solo trip . Was not really a big fan of MGR , as i was not from Tamil Nadu , but as a protocol of the listed places in Google went to see the MGR memorial which is located in Marina Beach Road, NAVALA NAGAR.  Outside weather was a bit hot as i stepped into the entrance the security greeted me with a smile and I enquired about the entrance ticket , and came to know it is absolutely free to have a look around the memorial house of MGR , which was filled with numerous awards , medal, gifts, his consumables , his car , his pen , , watch etc..

Slowly started walking around the rooms in which there were a lot of his accomplishments and multiple temple, cities, and governments have awarded him. Slowly I started observing each and every award and who have given him in detail , slowly stepping and staring at those awards . Most of them where in the architectural designs of temples and cities .

Then suddenly my mind started realising and getting surprised with the fact that , how could one person achieve soon many appreciations in one life time . Was totally blown away with endless pics of his contacts and meetings ranging from chief ministers, prime ministers , presidents, athletes , co-artists and orphans and underprivileged children .

I started looking at them with more admiration , a fan kind of feeling and still in a thought of unbelievable feeling , HOW , HOW !! How can someone work so hard for his work , for his family , for his people, for his state , for his party , for his Country and for the world . Then understood why he had such a huge fan following and such great legacy .

TRULY AN INSPIRATIONAL LIFE !! WHICH ACTUALLY MADE ME TO WRITE THIS BLOG , WHICH IS TOTALLY UNPLANNED .

WHAT I LEARNT : SUCCESS IS NOT EASY AND NO SHORT CUT , YOU HAVE PUT YOUR 100% OF HANDWORK, COMMITMENT , FOCUS , CONSISTENTLY AND ALOT OF SACRIFICES ON THE WAY ONLY WILL LEAD YOU TO SUCCESS :-)

JAI MGR !!